The Simple Shift That Helps Boys Open Up

I was reminded recently of how my dad and I had some of our best conversations – always side by side, often in car rides. We weren’t facing each other, but somehow that space made it easier to open up. 

This isn’t just anecdotal. Research into how men and boys communicate shows that side-by-side, activity-based interaction creates a more comfortable environment to open up. 

I was reminded of it again recently, listening to Richard Reeves and Theo Von discuss how boys (and men) often communicate best side by side, especially during activities. 

The research shows that this dynamic – activity-based, side-by-side or shoulder-to-shoulder interaction – creates a comfortable environment for boys to open up.

This is one of the things we focus on at TOOLKT. 

We know boys learn best through activity – hands-on, physical, engaged. When we meet them in their space –teaching skills side by side – we create the conditions for deeper learning and connection. 

It’s not just about fun; it’s how boys absorb and grow. 

So next time you’re side by side with your son – on a car ride, shooting hoops, working on something together – treat it as intentional.

Create the conditions:

• Be shoulder to shoulder, not face to face

• Keep the activity going

• Don’t rush to fill the silence

• Let the conversation come to you

Because for many boys, this is where they feel safest to open up – not when they’re asked, but when they’re alongside.